Orders, v. 2018

It's been a while. Too long a while. I certainly haven't done what I said I was going to do a year ago, which was blog about taking advantage of being in a staff job to focus on my personal growth. That's not to say I haven't focused on my personal growth...I just haven't written about it here. So here's a quick recap of the last year:

I chose to quit roller derby right after skating in my first bout. It hurt too much physically. The bout was like being in a washing machine with baseball bats. Between that, the falling and absolutely *dreading* practice, I decided I valued the integrity of my bones, and made the really tough choice to quit. It also gave me a huge amount of time back.

Which I used to visit my (new to me) house in western NC. I took my motorcycle down in the summer and proceeded to bomb around the mountains on my bike and have So. Much. Fun. I had to remind myself it was all perfectly legal. Trips down that way also let me hang out with some of my bestest friends more than I was used to. It was an amazing reminder that I am more than my Coast Guard career.

I dated dedicatedly for a few months, until I had to deal with some of the consequences of my lack of willingness to compromise myself for the sake of someone else's happiness or ego. I've been on a break pretty much since then, and am so grateful for all I've learned about myself from that whole experience.

I'm still very much struggling with the topic from my last post about gender issues? equity? parity? I don't even know what to call it. I just know I'm still genuinely annoyed that there are still only 15 women who have had commands of major cutters. AY 2018 didn't do anything to change that number. More to follow on that, I promise.

And now for AY 2018...I GOT ORDERS!! I will have spent one year and eight months at Headquarters this time, when I leave at the end of April to go be Deputy Commodore of Patrol Forces Southwest Asia in Manama, Bahrain. Since I don't ask for what I don't want on my e-resume, yes, I asked for it. Of course, I asked for CO of a few different 210s first, but I knew that was a total long shot, being two years from tour complete and all. But yes, I want to go to Bahrain, for lots of different reasons.

First and most definitely foremost is that I get to hang out with and lead mostly cuttermen. The shoreside job is to man, train, and equip the six patrol boats that work for the Navy there. I very briefly met the prospective COs and XOs last week, and they look like a good bunch. I'm very excited to work with them. And hopefully lead and train them well.

Second, I will be tour complete in one year (instead of two years, if I had stayed in HQ). That means I have to be transferred, instead of hoping they may need another warm body beyond who they already have who is tour complete. There is a delightful selection of O5 afloat commands open for me in AY 2019...I may already have my list prioritized. In color coded spreadsheet form.

Third...well, the tangible benefits of going over there can't be ignored. I have a goal to save $50k while I'm there. Totally doable.

That was enough for me to say absolutely yes when the detailer called just before Thanksgiving to see if I was still interested.

And tonight, I'm sitting in the guest housing for Pre-Deployment Training (PDT) waiting for training to start in the morning. I was here, in Moyock, NC nine years ago when lots of the training was contracted to the old Blackwater Corp. We're on the same facility, under different ownership, I think. I'm fighting a slight sense of deja vu, but am such a different person now than I was nine years ago that it's like seeing it through whole new eyes.

I started this blog when I went to Bahrain the first time, mostly to keep my family up to date with what I was doing without having to send them all the same email. I blogged anonymously (which was allowed within policy at that point), because I wasn't sure about my ability to stay on the right side of operational security. Anonymity was tough in some ways (like trying to describe a mooring evolution without giving away I was on a ship...), but it was a good forum for venting about leadership challenges in my first command tour, both up and down the chain. I took down all those posts when I went public, but I saved them all. I need to find that harddrive and re-read some of them :)

So I'm going to try it again this time. I'm nervous about it, not sure I can be as honest and vulnerable as I want to be in a fairly visible leadership position. But there are things I want to say and explore. Like, seriously, the damn woman thing, but also my approach to what will likely be my second-to-last and last tours before retirement, my potential for financial independence upon retirement, living in another country for a year, staying true to myself in a grinder of a job instead of just putting nose to grindstone and forgetting about what *I* need to be happy, and all kinds of other things that I haven't put quite as fine a point on.

I don't know how much time I'll have to write during training (I have plans most weekends). But I have a goal to write a post a week once I get there. Keep me honest.