Slow Yer Roll, There, Sister Roar

Yep, after yesterday's post all high and full of righteousness, I was...not mean, but certainly not kind to someone today. This is my confession.

It was at the end of a long day, where I had spent most of the day heavily concentrating on Big Thoughts. I did eat lunch, and even an afternoon snack. But I was tired. And frustrated. My Big Thought project was hitting obstacle after obstacle, to the point where I just decided to give up for the day and try again tomorrow.

I figured I'd do one menial and tedious task before I left. I didn't know where to start. So I asked someone who, if they didn't know, was the right person to find out for me. S/he is not the easiest person for me to talk to, being nearly dumbstruck with what comes across as fear of me, but I suspect is just general unease around people s/he doesn't know well.

I thought I asked my question carefully, but s/he didn't answer what i asked, and instead went off on a shiny metal object tangent. Once I realized that's what was happening, I got more direct. Like freshly sharpened knife direct, slicing straight through to my point which was I expected hir to be the expert on their area of responsibility.

In my book, from years of working on the farm, it's totally okay to admit you don't know something. But lawd help you if you sit on that as an excuse like a contented toad on a toadstool looking perfectly pleased with yourself, instead of saying very simply, "I don't know. Let me find out and get back to you."

Obviously the conversation went down hill from there. And out went all my high-fallutin' ambitions of treating individual with respect for their own uniqueness. I didn't yell, (miraculously) didn't cuss, and wasn't overtly disrespectful, but I surely wasn't kind either. I walked away feeling even more frustrated than when I went to ask my question and a little angry with myself for kicking a puppy (**figuratively, ** people...jeez!).

I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this tomorrow. This person does not work for me, but provides me with required support services. And I saw on my phone (but did not read the email) that s/he sent an email out with a subject line that indicates it's the information I requested. But staring at me dumbfounded and making excuses about not knowing basic required knowledge...? Well, let's just say I don't have a lot of tolerance for the excuses.

I know I should look at this from hir point of view. I have no idea what hir workload is or what I interrupted with my question. I'll likely address it with hir supervisor and see how this incident fits in with their prior stated expectations for hir. And not go overboard being nice to hir, but certainly trying harder to be more understanding and less instantaneously judgmental.

It's a work in progress. *I'm* a work in progress.