What is Ending -- Step 3

21 Feb 2021

"You can’t do something new until you have let go of what you are currently doing." 

That's the most powerful statement to me from William Bridges Associates' (WBA) article The Three Questions. The article goes on to talk about how even "good" changes start from a place of losing what has been, what is familiar, and how not acknowledging this loss can delay the transition. Taking the time to articulate and understand that loss builds trust, allows issues to come to light, and can help with identifying tools to manage through the transition. 

There are two questions that come before this one, though. The questions WBA offer are:

• What is changing?
• What will be different because of the change?
• Who's going to lose what?

Seems I love me some bulletized lists.

What is changing? 

"The planners know only that there needs to be change in response to some threatening presence or some great opportunity “out there...” But until that vagueness can be clarified and until the leaders of the change can explain it clearly, in a statement lasting no longer than one minute, there is no way that they are going to be able to get other people to buy into the change...And be sure that the statement ties the change to whatever situation it is that makes the change important."

After 22 years of active duty service, I am retiring to pursue unidentified and varied opportunities in the civilian world. These opportunities will allow me to grow personally in new ways, give me a deep sense of being rooted in a place, and enable me to cultivate my community intentionally. 

What will be different because of the change?

"A change may seem very important and very real to the leader, but to the people who have to make it work it seems quite abstract and vague until actual differences that it will make begin to become clear."

I will be responsible for my own decisions. There won't be a detailer or an operational commander to blame when my schedule goes haywire or I don't end up liking what I've chosen to do with my time. I am geographically moving after a summer of travel, and there are a ton of unknowns associated with that upheaval (will I be able to feed myself and have safe places to sleep on my SUP trip, where will we stay for MerleFest, will I be physically able to hike the Inca Trail given the intense elevation, how long will the renovations on the Pond Place house take, how much will they cost, do we want to immediately or even simultaneously build a second house on the property, when can we get chickens and ducks, what kind of fence should we put up as a barrier to the Very Busy Road...).

I will be responsible for *only* my own decisions. I won't have the weight of other peoples' safety, sense of personal and professional fulfillment, or consequences of their personal choices hanging over me. No more phone calls or texts at all hours with imperfect and incomplete information that I'm expected by my bosses, my organization, the American public to make good decisions about and take appropriate and timely action on. 

I may not feel the external, enterprise-driven pressure to keep performing at a higher and higher level, always taking on more responsibility (but then again, knowing me, I may...). There are no longer any OERs against which to judge my efforts since I've already submitted my continuity OER(!!). For now, and until my Change of Command, I still exist under the considerable threat of a relief for cause if I screw up. It shouldn't be any other way, *and* I'll be glad when that sword of Damocles is lifted from over my head.

I will have more time to thoroughly pursue my own interests. No more pressure to feel like I should be doing more for the crew and ship. No more feeling vaguely guilty at taking 20 minutes to stretch in the morning before work. No more feeling like I don't have the time to dive into something because I'll be leaving in a month to get underway for patrol or leaving the local area on PCS, and what's the point about starting something that I'll just have to put down too soon anyway. 

Who is going to lose what?

"For it is by asking that question, that you open the door to the transitions that people will have to make if the change is to work. It is that question that helps them to let go of the old way, so that the new way can be established and work."

I thought my answer was just going to be about what I stand to lose. I tear up when I realize it is not.

I will lose:

-- more than half the pay I've gotten accustomed to spending and saving over the last few years. Good-bye, BAH and sea pay...

-- a sense of purpose that gets me out of the house and into a more social setting on a regular and expected basis

-- relevancy to my adopted afloat community; as soon as I say, "I stand relieved" my relevant experience is outdated and obsolete (though not as grossly obsolete as the 1MC system on most CG ships...)

-- immediate and regular access to people younger than I am, from an amazing and inspiring array of backgrounds and upbringings, with all their energy and enthusiasm, interests and ways of thinking

-- a familiar way of navigating the military benefits system. Hello, VA. Just, ugh...

-- the shock factor they experience and significant amount of humble pride I feel when I tell people I am Commanding Officer of a 210-foot Coast Guard ship, with a crew of 80 sailors, conducting law enforcement, national defense and humanitarian missions throughout the Atlantic Ocean; I mean, seriously -- mic drop

-- the satisfaction of coming up with creative and holistically sound (no "easy buttons" here!) paths through perniciously tricky operational, personnel, and administrative challenges

-- unfettered access to the deep blue sea, all her mysteries, monsters, beauties, and breathtaking changeability; the sense of possibility that comes of looking out at the far horizon; the blanket of stars and the company of the Milky Way and the moon; the risk-mitigated adventure of sailing out through the last set of gated pairs, past the sea buoy into the unknown and unexpected

The Coast Guard is losing me,:

-- a driven, caring, experienced leader who is thoughtful, self-aware, empathetic, and a good communicator

-- a change agent who is willing to speak out and share my experiences when I feel they will offer a perspective different from the prevailing majority in pursuit of long term organizational benefit

-- a damn fine shipdriver and operator

-- a female senior officer in the afloat community...we're sadly very rare. By my records, CDR Anne O'Connell will be only the 20th woman to take major cutter command this summer; it has been over 25 years since then CDR Beverly Kelley took command of her WMEC -- a piss poor record given the CG's stated commitment to diversity...

I thought about adding what my shipmates will lose; however, I will still always be available to my shipmates as a sounding board, celebrator of successes, commiserator of stumbles, and sea-story teller and listener. Just the means of access will change.

I feel like there are more things to be added to what will be different and who will lose what. I should remind myself to do a reprisal on this post at the six-month-ish post-retirement mark. There -- reminder set for 2 Jan 2022.

In my next session, I will work on Step 2b: Identify at least one Action Item for each goal...though I think more realistically, it will be about setting up how I will do that or maybe what I am learning from the process, because grinding through making my "to do" list on the blog sounds like a sure way of getting people to stop reading it!