Deep Blue Sea, Baby, Deep Blue Sea*

I've started looking at this CORE PRIME thing, which is broken into five essential agreements. The first agreement (at least in the book) is AS IS - what is the current situation? What is our current surface culture? And I guess I gotta really limit this to the cutter culture, because I have no understanding or experience with the small boat community. So current cutter culture (CCC, because everything we do has to have an acronym)? What defines it? What are the good things about it? The bad, the ugly? How do we raise our young in it? Do we revere our heroes and respect our oldsters? What does success mean to us, and what is failure?

For me this speaks directly to an underlying question, one that I've said before I wanted to write about. Why do I do this? I remember when I enlisted in the Coast Guard in 1999, I had the goal of getting stationed at MSO Charleston in West Virginia. I joined to work in marine safety, clean up oil spills and scrub some ducks. Ships? Umm, yeah, I think I knew the Coast Guard had those too. But I wasn't interested. Then I went off to OCS (because being a gate guard and handling lines for 110s and getting yelled at by their Captains for not doing it right (DIP the eye of that line...no, No, NO--not THAT bollard...faster, damn it, the wind's gonna take us) just wasn't cutting it for me). And I still don't know if it's intentional, but at OCS, they had us fill out our dream sheet (it was still a dream sheet in those days) while we were doing the section of instruction on Navigation and Charting.

I hadn't ever done anything like plotting or chart work before, but I've always liked maps...the possibilities they present, the new and different places, the distances in between. So, I got kinda a wild hair, and put a couple of ships on my list of places I'd like to be stationed after OCS. They were very specific ships, in very specific locations (210s in the Pacific Northwest and Texas), that I thought that I might like to see, but all the rest of the jobs were marine safety jobs, quietly ashore. Hahahahaha...that's not quite how the detailer saw it. He saw that I asked for ships. And he gave me a ship...a 378 out of Alameda, CA. I remember billet night very well. I ended the evening crying in the bathroom, wondering what the hell I had just done. And how the hell I could get out of it.

But I didn't get out of it, and made my way, with a certain sense of ragged hopelessness, to BOUTWELL. I hated it. HATED it! I reported in November, on the first day of TSTA (Tailored Ships Training Availability) in San Diego. TSTA is frantic, lots of training packed into a short period of time. I had *no idea* what was going on, no one had time to explain it to me, and I was just taking up space, trying really, really hard not to get in the way. I was overwhelmed with three different, thick qualification packages to work on, and I was assigned as the XO's Assistant to an XO who had the personality of a...ugh, I can't think of a good analogy, but I didn't care for him, and my primary responsibility was the ship's office, which was run by a particularly difficult YNC. I was 3000 miles away from home, no family and few friends around, surrounded by things I didn't understand and overwhelmed by the entire damn situation. It sucked.

My first actual patrol on BOUTWELL was an Alpat (Alaskan patrol), and towards the end, we pulled into Kodiak for a few days. I think I had conned (driven the ship) into or out of port once or twice before during TSTA, but was essentially just parroting what my coach told me to say. I didn't really get what I was saying, what the helm and engine commands meant. But this mooring into Kodiak...something clicked and the light went on. I was still parroting what WEPS (LTJG Blake Stockwell at the time) was saying, but I understood what he was saying, and the orders he was giving to the helm and engine room were making sense in terms of how they controlled the ship's movement. We swung around the south end of Nyman Peninsula, starting to slow our speed, watching the wind and waiting for it to come whipping down the sheer face of Old Womens Mountain and set us too fast down onto the wrong pier. I'm pretty sure we were going to the fuel pier, and Blake guided me through getting the momentum just right to be able to give a short counter-twist of the engines at the very end so that we could give the order "put over all lines." It was AMAZING! OMG, I got it! Now, granted, I had an *excellent* coach, and some of the best environmental conditions possible for Womens Bay. But it was a transformational moment for me, realizing that shiphandling could make sense. It wasn't all candlelight and roses after that; I still had some rough times, but the sea's seduction had definitely begun.

In retrospect, and with the benefit of a couple hundred more moorings under my belt, I've come to realize that shiphandling is about control. Understanding of the effects of the helm and engines gives control over the ship, which can overcome and dominate environmental and situational conditions. Knowing that it's a tight spot, being able to read the wind (with both arms in the air like a touchdown provides much better insights into the subtleties...just saying), accounting for the engine delay with precision to get just as much power as you need *right* then, visualizing the water rushing over the rudders to create a force differential to turn the bow, and then just doing it! Being able to put a couple hundred tons of steel exactly where you want it to go...that's a control freak's dream! Or at least, it works for me. I love being able to drive a ship. I could go on with this part of the story for a while, describing the particulars of some of the significant shiphandling experiences I've had. One engine ops, high winds and surges, steering casualties, sand storms and other low-vis fun, fires and/or alarms...but I know they get boring for most people after a while.

BOUTWELL taking a light beating

And as much as I love the feeling of control that I get from driving a ship, there is a striking irony that much of being underway entails walking the edge of losing control, or having it wrested away by the sea. I've only been to the Bering Sea that first patrol on BOUTWELL, but even then, in the infancy of my introduction to the ocean, I remember noting how the water could go from flat-ass, silver-glassy calm to a towering, raging fury in a very, very short period of time. The only control you get underway is that little bit that you are able to preserve through complete trust in your ship and fellow shipmates.

Mighty MAUI

First about the ship: My ships have always taken on more significance to me than just being a sum of their parts. They are more than all the spaces, the pieces of equipment, the amenities for comfortable living and all the other miscellaneous bits. I remember walking through HAMILTON's main passageway, after having been away from 378s for four years. It smelled the same as BOUTWELL, some odd, distinctive bouquet of Simple Green and diesel exhaust, with hints of JP5, sweat, metal, paint and salt. Never mind those weird, eerie noises in the bos'n hole and paint locker that give new OODs the heebie-jeebies. And I've always found it a little unsettling that the bridge, which is the center of the universe underway, is usually deserted and lonely inport. The engines and generators, the fuel transfer system, the idiosyncrasies of every ship, the awards on the bulkheads, that tear in the mess deck bench cushion, the dent I put in my rack drawer from kicking it too hard once when I was really pissed off, that damn ladder step that I *always* crack my knee on when I'm racing up to the bridge too fast, the scullery deep sink on morale pizza nights...they all make up the greater SHIP that is more than just the ship. Maybe that's why we capitalize a ship's name. It's more than just its letters.

The engineering, the construction, the fact that it all works and stays afloat awes me. 

And then there are the people. I won't spend too much time on this one, since I've said a lot about my crews before. But it comes down to it that I like Coasties; they are, on the whole, good, dedicated, smart, funny people. I recently watched a video from USCGC FORWARD that was posted on Coast Guard Digest. Never mind that it's a *great* song for their ship, the pictures of the crew made me smile. OMG, the guy running across the flight deck with Speedos on during steel beach... classically hilarious! Followed by Batman! How do they come up with that stuff?! The guy's attitude at minute 1:41 -- I just get the sense that he loves his job, or at least loves being a .50 cal gunner. The grapes, the blueberries, the baked potato. And whoever came up with the idea to take the inflatable pool underway was a genius. I think the institutionally supported resurgence of the term "shipmate" is a great thing.

Kwar Al Amaya Oil Terminal at sunset

But in the end, it all comes back to the ocean. Her beauty, her grandness, magnificence, power, mercurialness, depths and bounty. When I was on AQUIDNECK for a few weeks while their CO went on R&R, the crew thought I was a little batty because I asked for the 4-8 watch. It's kinda a crappy watch because you've got to get up at the ungodly hour of 3 am, and then still function throughout whatever goes on during the day. But I love the 4-8s... you get to watch sunrise and sunset. When I was on HAMILTON, I tried to make it a point to see as many sunsets as I possibly could around operations (sunrises, well, let's just say sleep and breakfast took precedence there); there were never two the same and it always gave me a chance to pause and ponder the benefits of being at sea for weeks at a time.

Then there's the wildlife found in her depths. It makes me laugh out loud to see dolphins swim alongside the ship and play in the bow wake. Sea turtles. Whales, even though I whine about them from time to time during whale season in the Maui triangle. Birds, photo-luminescence, mahi-mahi, halibut. Two very distinct memories about marine wildlife stick out in my mind: First was on BOUTWELL. I think we were down south, somewhere off the coast of Central America, transiting along. It was dark, probably the 8 to 12s. It must have been fairly soon after 9/11, because I remember thinking maybe it was some kind of threat. But there was this ball of light that came alongside the ship's starboard side, just forward of the bridge. It was probably 30 feet in diameter, moving along beneath the surface. It kept pace with us for a while, and then slipped under the ship and came out on the port side. I called the Captain when it went under us, and she came up to the bridge. Once the ball moved over to the port side, it didn't stay with us for too long, but continued on its track. CAPT Kelley postulated that it was a pod of dolphins or fish that was stirring up the photo-luminescence. But it was so very cool.

The second wildlife incident was on HAMILTON. We were transiting from Oakland back down to San Diego. All in all, that patrol was stupendously crappy. Lots of equipment casualties, people got hurt, people got fired, the patrol was extended, and then we had an unscheduled drydock for which we had to drive by our homeport that was burning from Southern California wildfires. I, at least, was desperately happy to be headed home. My sister and her husband were onboard, along with about a dozen other crew family members that were making the overnight transit with us. It was just before sunset, and we were transiting along the Monterey Bay National Marine Sanctuary. The water boiled, just boiled with critters. There were birds, whales, porpoises, sea lions, whales, I don't know what all. We transited through the water that teemed with life for about 20 minutes. The ocean itself was flat calm, with a very light swell and no waves, but the animals were jumping and thrashing and tumbling about so much, that the water was far from calm. It was *incredible*!!

Those are certainly not the only two times I've seen amazing wildlife scenes, but they definitely stick out for me.

The stars...how could I forget the stars? The blankets of twinkling lights that spread over the skies from dark horizon to dark horizon.

 And then there's that inexplicable mystery that the ocean offers. The ocean will always be there; never the same, but always just what it is. Its possibilities are endless; hope is always just over the horizon. I can't even pretend to ever be as insightful or poetic as others over the years about what the ocean means to sailors. There's just too many good quotes that encapsulate it so much better.

"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea." -- Isak Dinesen

Roll on, deep and dark blue ocean, roll. Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain. Man marks the earth with ruin, but his control stops with the shore.-- Lord Byron

"When you see the Southern Cross for the first time
You understand now why you came this way.
'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from is so small.
But it's as big as the promise, the promise of a comin' day." --Crosby, Stills & Nash

*Lyrics from Deep Blue Sea, by North Mississippi Allstars

Spring Semester 2011, Part II

I decided to go with the paper on the Arctic issue. I think it brings up a more interesting question. The base of the OPC question is really just a resource allocation question...if we had enough money to do this, should we? Yes. We don't, so what are our spending priorities?

The Arctic question has the resource allocation aspect, but also has a lot of other dimensions to it. So it might be a harder paper to write, but I'll likely learn more from it.

And, and, AND!!! In my Info Policy and Technology class, I've got the **coolest** assignment! One of the discussions today was about "technology determinism" v. "enactment." The basic premise is that many times technology is used to determine an outcome...changing the technology will change the behavior of the people/institution. Enactment, though, indicates that most organizations have a certain way of doing things, and injection of technology will not substantively change those methods.

So, this sounded to me just like trying to implement ALMIS -> LIMS in surface forces, and the desired shift in attitudes about surface force maintenance decisions as we deal with aging assets. I brought it up in class, and then talked some more with the professor about it during break. (Side note: Chris' take on the Coast Guard, made to the class as a whole after I got done with my little revelation:  "the Coast Guard has a disproportionate number of people who 'get it.'" How cool is *that*?! I love it when people outside the organization recognize my shipmates as being particularly smart, hardworking and dedicated, good at what they do and well-deserving of all the good things said about them.)

I mentioned that I wanted to clarify, for myself mostly, but also so I can explain it to other people, what the cultural obstacles are to the desired outcome from the implementation of new technology. As I tried to explain it, the aviation community kinda grew up with an ALMIS-type system, though I'm sure it wasn't called that from the start...but they've always had thorough pre-flight checklists. If anything on those checklists isn't a positive indication for flight, the flight isn't done with that airframe. The surface community is still operating under 200 years plus of maritime tradition of we have to go out, but we don't have to come back. And I know, I KNOW, that does not paint the whole picture and is changing, thank goodness. But it was the easiest (fastest, simplest to understand) way to encapsulate the attitude differences for a non-Coastie crowd. I think the surface culture issue is actually more about the scope of the Commanding Officer's responsibility than the dominance of the mission at least for cutters. And I think small boats have another, different set of complexities, which only makes it more complicated. But I didn't really have time to get into all of that in class.

Chris suggested that I make this my individual project for the class!! That's what I'm so excited about. Sure, sure, there's the whole great thing about getting class credit for doing something that I wanted to do anyway, but I'm more excited about the anticipated feedback, interaction and jeez, general help from him and the class as a whole for making my end product better. If I can explain the jumbled mess in my head about the different cultures for a group of people that don't know much about the Coast Guard, it may help to quiet the background noise and really distill the issue.

So I'll be starting with the CORE PRIME, and making an initial presentation to the class in two or three weeks. Yay!! I like this semester *so much* better than last semester!

Spring Semester 2011

This was a recent text conversation between me and my sister. She texted me to vent (something about chickens??), and me, not having anything very useful to say, texted back, "Oof, sorry. This might make you laugh, tho...I'm reading the assignment for my federal budgeting class-& enjoying it! How crazy is that!?"

Her response, "You are not well."

I acknowledge the fact that what I am studying this semester is usually viewed as dreadfully boring, complex, unsolvable and generally yucky. BUT, one week into classes, I'm diggin it. I think it's because I feel like it's going to be useful to me. Like, actually useful. Like I may actually use it. Or at least use it to help me understand more of what's going on around me.

I'm taking four classes this semester (no more five class-crap...that was a rough go, especially when it was a) my first semester back in school after 13 years, and b) two of those classes were statistics and microeconomics...blech!).  1) Federal Budgeting and 2) Finance or Public Financial Management (it's listed as both in the course listings) seem like they will overlap fairly significantly. But as much as that annoyed me last semester, I think it will be good in this case. The classes will be approaching the subject from slightly different perspectives, and both the professors bring significant real-world and academic experience to the class. And I guess the reason that I'm enjoying these two classes is that I have a very rudimentary understanding of the subject and I think, I hope, I'll get to use what I learn in them during my HQ tour.

3) Public Policy and Private Enterprise in National Security is taught by Dr. Jacques Gansler, former Undersecretary of Defense for Acquisition, Technology and Logistics, and explores the role of private enterprise (contractors and other private sector entities) in public policy discussions, particular in this case to national security. I'm going to do my best to go into this class with an open mind, fully cognizant of the fact that my limited experience with contractors has all been bad. Not just bad, but HORRID BAD!! Hopefully the class will help be gain some perspective that not all contractors are robber barons and scoundrels. There are a bunch of military guys in this class from the Air Force, Navy and Marines. I'm the only Coastie. Hope I can hold my own and re*present*. We have three policy memos to write; we get to pick the first topic. So, dutifully, I pondered what I could write about, and sent off this happy little email to my professor this morning:

I have a few ideas for topics for the first memo, and would like some feedback on which you think might be most appropriate.

--Arctic maritime domain issues: as Arctic routes become more feasible for commercial shipping traffic during summer months, the US needs to determine what our security interests are in the region, and how we anticipate addressing those issues.

--The recent RAND Corporation study assertion that alternative fuels are not feasible for military applications: could be similar to the discussion around HD systems from our first case study, in that military R&D could have huge impacts on civilian use of the technology.

--OMB's threat to cut funding for the Coast Guard's Offshore Patrol Cutter (OPC): the CG is in the very preliminary stages of OPC acquisition, but the organization does not have a strong record of acquisition proficiency as demonstrated by delays and cost overruns on the National Security Cutter and Fast Response Cutter programs. (Harsh, I know, but I'm just paraphrasing from a Congressional Research Service report from October 2010 on Deepwater Acquisition Programs)

Any direction you can provide on relevancy to your expectations or need for narrowing the topics would be greatly appreciated.


Dr. Gansler's response:
I wish I could cut them down, but all three are very good and relevant. So I would like you to pick the one you want.
Sorry I was not much help.
Good luck! 


Well, at least I know I'm on the right track. But I really don't know which one to write about. I'll probably go with the OPC one, just because I have a strong, sturdy, really, *really* big soapbox ready to go for that one.

My last class, 4) is Information Policy and Technology. It should be very interesting, if very scary, talking about all the ways that technology is fast out-stripping the policy. The professor is Chris McGoff, DC-based consultant and author of a new book, The Primes. What I've read of it so far is spot on with what I know about change and organizational transformation (which could be put on the head of a pin, but what he says makes sense from a leadership perspective anyway).

One thing I've noticed about this set of classes is that the professors seem inclined to provide more than just the knowledge and skills. They want us to have some of the background theory. Like Chris (yes, that's what he told us to call him) using his book about organizational change for an information policy class; and reading two classic works, Thomas Kuhn's The Structure of Scientific Revolutions and Elting Morrison's Men, Machines and Modern Times, for the private enterprise/national security class. It took me a little bit to see the logic behind this, especially with the Kuhn and Morrison books. But I think in that case it has to do with impressing upon us the importance of an outside, capitalist perspective that entrepreneurs can bring to stodgy old bureaucracies. But I kinda hope the professors address a little more thoroughly why they're having us read seemingly random stuff for their classes.

Oh, one last thing about this semester. I only have classes two days a week, Mondays and Tuesdays. Mondays are a little long, starting at 9 am (though I am going to try making the 7 am yoga class a regular thing), and ending at 9:30 pm (with a four-hour break in the middle for lunch and a nap). But it was a little odd getting out of class at 4 pm on Tuesday, knowing I was done for the week.

Off to read a couple of chapters from Federal Budgeting Systems.

Review of Books

Classes start tomorrow. I think I'm ready for it. I've had plenny time off...especially now that I'm back on the frigid east coast. I need something to take my mind off how freaking cold it is outside.

But one of the best things about having time off like I've just had is that I got to read...lots of books of my own choosing. Nothing for school, no required reading, and no pressure. Here's a review of the books:

--Love My Rifle More Than You, by Kayla Williams: Ms Williams was an Army Specialist and spent a deployment in Iraq. She writes very candidly about her experiences spending so much time with a bunch of guys under some pretty stressful circumstances. I found a lot of common ground with what she had to say, mostly with her reactions to being one of very few women surrounded by men and the camaraderie that develops in operational units. The tedium of standing the watch. What it feels like to walk into a D-FAC. I don't think it's the end-all, be-all statement of women in the military, but it is a good, honest portrayal of one woman's experiences.


--Deadliest Sea: The Untold Story Behind the Greatest Rescue in Coast Guard History, by Kalee Thompson: This is the story of the rescue of 42 of the 47 people onboard F/V ALASKA RANGER in the Bering Sea in March, 2008. The vessel lost a rudder and sank within a few hours, about 120 miles west of Dutch Harbor. The Coast Guard units involved in the rescue include USCGC MUNRO, D17 Command Center, and multiple aircraft from Air Station Kodiak. It was a well-written book, full of accounts from the crew of the fishing vessel as well as responders. And it's always fun to recognize people in books...LT Jimmy Terrell and CAPT Lloyd from MUNRO and Liam Larue from NTSB.

--A Captain's Duty: Somali Pirates, Navy SEALS and Dangerous Days at Sea, by Richard Phillips: I was in Bahrain when the MAERSK ALABAMA was attacked, which I think is the same time zone as Somalia. We were all abuzz about it when it happened, so it was really cool to read the back story. And it was interesting to hear about the life of merchant marines. I've boarded a ton of commercial vessels, but never really took the time to ask about how the ship runs on a daily basis. I also think that piracy is an area that we, the CG, are uniquely positioned to combat...ya know...WPBs, which are a great platform for chasing pirates, that are looking for work in that area of the globe. Anyway, I enjoyed this book for a number of reasons: Mr Phillips talking about the duties of being a Captain, the mental preparations he made for underway trips, and the insights into how the merchant ships run. The casual brutality of the pirates, as well as the deaths, were not part of what I enjoyed, but were definitely integral to the story.

--Third World America,  by Arianna Huffington: The first few chapters of this book are ungodly depressing, mostly about how America is falling apart as a country. How the poor are getting poorer while the rich sit in their ivory towers eating gold-plated caviar, how our education and health care systems are in crisis, how our infrastructure is crumbling and desperately needs investment. But Ms Huffington does offer a few niblets of encouragement, practical suggestions that everyday people can take to help shore up the American dream. Mostly bleeding heart liberal spin on the current state of affairs, but not all gloom and doom.

--Read My Pins: Stories from a Diplomat's Jewelry Box, by Madeleine Albright: I heard Madame Albright speak at the end of last semester. She was on campus for the Sadat Lecture for Peace and spoke about the potential for peace in the Middle East. She was a brilliant speaker, engaging, cogent and well, funny. I enjoyed this book also, with its beautiful pictures of so many different pins. But I really want to read Madame Secretary: A Memoir.

--Uncommon Valor: The Medal of Honor and the Six Warriors Who Earned It in Afghanistan and Iraq, by Dwight Jon Zimmerman and John D. Gresham: What a powerful book. It tells about six servicemen who earned the Medal of Honor, all awarded posthumously. I think it came out before Staff Sergeant Salvatore Giunta was recognized in November, 2010 with his Medal of Honor. The book also gives a nice history of the medal and its recipients. The most frustrating story was about Joe Foss, a WWII Medal of Honor recipient who traveled with his medal in January, 2002. He was stopped by airport security for "suspicious objects" in his jacket. He missed his flight after being detained and questioned as a possible terrorist suspect for carrying something that looked like a Japanese throwing star. The airport security screeners didn't recognize it...it was his Medal of Honor. The stories about the more recent recipients were powerful stories of men who recognized their duty and unhesitatingly made decisions that were devastating to themselves, but saved the lives of those soldiers and sailors around them.

--The Long Walk, by Slavomir Rawicz: There is controversy about whether this is a true story. Records prove that Slavomir Rawicz was not one of the group that escaped from the Siberian prison camp in 1941. Regardless, it's still a good read about the power of perseverance.

And even though classes start tomorrow, I'm in the middle of two books right now: The Trumpet of Conscience, by Martin Luther King, Jr and Fannie's Last Supper: Re-creating One Amazing Meal from Fannie Farmer's 1896 Cookbook, by Chris Kimball. Hopefully I'll get to finish them both before things get too crazy with school work.

Just so you don't think that all I read is hard-core non-fiction, I'll come clean and admit I also read some fiction including Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, by Seth Grahame-Smith and The Sleeping Beauty, by Mercedes Lackey.

And of course, there's a few books that I still want to read:
--Mark Twain's Autobiography...He wouldn't let it be published until 100 years after his death...should be good.
--Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption, by Laura Hillenbrand...recommended by a friend.
--Hero: The Life and Legend of Lawrence of Arabia, by Michael Korda...I heard about it on NPR and it sounds interesting.

Anybody got any other recommendations?

I (Heart) Waialua

All three (woohoo...I still have three readers!!) respondents said they'd like to see the I <3 Waialua photoessay. Don't know why I couldn't get the <3 in the title, but there ya go.

And really, this is more than just Waialua, 'cause some of the photos are from Haleiwa, too. But they're right next door to each other, easy biking distance, and when I think of Waialua, I can't really separate out Haleiwa in my mind.

I've lived in Waialua on and off since 2002, when I was stationed on USCGC WASHINGTON (WPB 1331) when she was still homeported in Honolulu. I bought my first house there and then sold my first house there. But I bought another one at the same time, and have owned it since 2005. I haven't lived there very much. I got my orders to USCGC HAMILTON (WHEC 715) five months after moving onto Ka'amo'oloa Rd. Which is a damn shame, because it's a really sweet little house, in a wonderful neighborhood. My mom lives there now, so I'm lucky enough to get to visit. Which is what I did for the last month.

This is the road into Waialua, Kaukonahua Rd, also known as Mountain Rd or Snake Rd, because, well, it comes down the mountain, and it's really windy. But I really love that first view you get of the town from the hill, with the ocean in the background. You can usually see from pretty far away what the ocean conditions are like, if it's flat calm or the waves are big or if it's windy white-cap crap.

 

  

This is Mt Ka'ala, which is the highest peak on Oahu, and part of the Waianae mountain range dividing the North Shore from the West side. Mt Ka'ala has many moods, sometimes with low-hanging clouds skirting her foothills, and other times crispy clear, like this one.

 And this is in the old cane fields right close to my house. The sugar cane mill shut down in 1989, I think (or was it 1986?), and now small scale, local farmers lease the land and grow diversified vegetables and fruits, mostly for sale to Chinatown. I don't know what the structure is in the picture, some sort of old chimney or something.

One day, riding my back from yoga class through the cane haul roads that weave through the area, I came across this sculpture. I have no *idea* who made it or why it's just sitting there behind the ruins of some cane equipment, but I love that it's there, guarded by stalwart Norfolk pines. It's kinda a good reminder to appreciate beauty wherever you see it, not just where you expect to find it.

Sticking with the current scenic theme, this is the view from the road up to Peacock Flats. Which, I guess technically is in Mokuleia, but heck, Waialua, Haleiwa, Mokuleia all blend together for me. Anyway, this is just past mile marker 2.5 I think. The first mile of the trail is pretty flat, and then the rest of the 3.5 mile trail is straight up the foothills of Mt Kaala. The views are beautiful; you can look west towards Kaena Point, or east (like this one) back towards Waialua and Haleiwa.

And then when you get to the top, there's a lovely clearing with picnic tables, and some camping spots. I've never camped up here, but people do. It must be so peaceful and quiet. The clearing is ringed by eucalyptus trees and Norfolk pines, and a conservation group is trying to reestablish some native species as well.

 

Once the hike up the mountain is done, though, it's time for the beach. This is at Aweoweo Park, or Cement City, and was one of my favorite places to run this last month. I could run the 3.25 miles there, do some push ups, pull ups and sit ups on the jungle gym, take a dip, rinse off, and then run home. And the water in the water fountain is really good. Except when I turned it on full blast and it shot straight up my nose. Phthwwaa.

But Aweoweo is not necessarily the nicest beach around. That would probably by Kaiaka Beach, which technically is in Haleiwa, if anyone's being picky.This is looking west towards Kaena Point. Just around the sandy point in the photo is where the Waialua River meets the ocean. When it rains lots and lots, the river dumps plenny chocolate water into the ocean.

Kaiaka is such a nice spot because, unlike lots of other beaches in the area, it has a nice sandy bottom, instead of coral or rock. The big waves break pretty far out on the outside reef, and usually just send in little ankle-slappers to shore. One main reason I <3 Waialua...this photo below was taken on New Year's Eve day. I love that any day can be a beach day!

And then there's the folks you share the beach with. Mom and I had gone to Kaiaka, just the two of us. So I had to ask the very handsome, in shape gentleman who was hanging out a couple of yards away to take our picture. Darn.

Back at the homestead, Mom found this little, itty-bitty gecko in her room. He's no more than an inch long, and about as thick as a dime. So very cute!

And can you see the two lizards in this photo? There's one each on the center and right-hand rock. There's a native shrub, pohinahina planted by the front steps, that I swear the lizards use as a condo, there's so many of them living in it. But they are very territorial, and I think these two were about to brawl.

And one more, where's the lizard? This one's a pretty good sized one, maybe 5 inches from tip to tail. You can see the yellow/white stripe running all the way down his back. Oh, and that's the pohinahina I just mentioned.

 

So where are all the people? I save the best for last! Our 'hood is fantabulous. Such wonderfully great people (not even gonna *mention* the exception), in such a beautiful location. This was New Year's Eve. Mom hosted a potluck down at her end of the street, under the driveway tarp. The Adams' brought down a bunch of fireworks and we had a go at them in the street. Our little branch of Ka'amo'oloa Rd is bordered on one side by the Pa'alakai neighborhood and on the other by larger, more homestead-like lots. Who all LOVE fireworks!! We could see full aerials going up in three different directions. So super cool! The noise and light show lasted until about 1 am.

 These last two photos are of the same place, different days. The first one is when Molly (center), Marissa (right) and I took a biking booze cruze through Haleiwa. Molly and I picked up Marissa at her house, then pedaled on the bike path to Haleiwa Joe's. We enjoyed some fruity umbrella drinks and some pupus there, then got on our bicycles and trundled off to Luibueno's. Molly had to bail on us to go pick up her husband at the airport, home from Iraq for R&R, but Marissa's friend Michelle joined up with us. Some drinks, chips and salsa at Luibueno's and then we were off to Cholo's. Enroute Cholo's, we passed Bonsai Sushi, and heard live music, so once we were done being treated like tourists at Cholo's, we ended the evening with sake and sushi at Bonzai. So yummy and fun. I learned how to check in to places on Facebook that evening :)

And then the evening I left, we stopped at Haleiwa Joe's again for pupus. In the photo are: my mom, Karen (sorry about the picture, Mom...I don't know if I caught you with your mouth full or what); my cousin Karen (Elizabeth) and her beau, George visiting from West Virginia; Uncle Terry and Auntie Jane; and Travis (who doesn't usually look that much like a vampire) and Marissa (who always takes a great photo!). Along with being my last night there, it was Uncle Terry's birthday. I heard some crazy number over 66 being thrown out there for his age, but I don't believe he's a day older than 55!

 

One last thing I <3 about Waialua, besides the scenery, the beach, the neighborhood and the people...I <3 the sunlight. It doesn't show up very well in this picture, but it's as close as I could come. I love the way the light falls through the foliage, the sharp edges of the palm fronds' shadows on the grass, and how the golden light accentuates the green leaves and the bright blue sky. It's so crisp and clear. It gives me hope and helps me to breathe.

Mish Mash

Dear Blog,

I'm so sorry I've neglected you these last few weeks. I could try to use the excuse of holiday chaos, but it's been pretty low key here in Waialua. Or it was once I got that last take-home exam turned in on day two of being here. The only thing I can attribute my lack of attention to you is plain old laziness.You are still very important to me, and I think about you lots and lots, but I just don't know what to write about right now. Grad school, especially between semesters at grad school, does not offer the rich fare of stories and ponderances that shipboard life supports.

I have a few ideas for posts:
--an exploration of solitude versus loneliness. It may turn out to be an exercise in semantics, but I think there really might be something there, even if it is pretty intensely personal.
--why the phrase "structural integrity" is so important to me. I found myself using it in a totally new context just yesterday, and kinda surprised myself with the general applicability for my worldview.
--an "I <3 Waialua" photoessay. Need to take more pictures if I'm gonna do this one.
--the Lazy Girl's post: excerpts from a paper I wrote for my Moral Dimensions class last semester on the ethics of women in combat. Totally cliched, but there were some good points for exploration, especially within the context of how the CG approaches job-related gender concerns.
--Book reviews: I've read a bunch of good books lately (now that I have time to read *and* digest them, instead of just plowing through a reading assignment on to move quickly onto the next one...note to self: five classes with heavy reading loads was too much; totally different mentality from 15 hours a day on the bridge).

So, readers, what do you think? I'll try to get my next post up within a week or ten days. What should I write about?

--Just a Girl

Thanksgiving: My Family

OMG, how did a whole month pass? I fully intended to post this the Sunday after Thanksgiving, so it had some hope of being timely. But it took me 9 hours to get home from North Carolina, eating up my entire Sunday evening. And then it was two weeks before finals, and I had three memos, a 20-page paper, two finals and a take home to get through. And now it's a month later, and I escaped frigid DC for tropical Waialua, Hawaii. And I *absolutely* am thankful for that!

But this post is about my family. I don't know how the heck they put up with me. For the past ten years, the first question most of them ask me when they talk to me on the phone is, "where are you?" And they don't mean it as in, are you at home or at school or at work or the grocery story or the library? No, it's more like, what continent are you on? Because sometimes I've been in South America, sometimes in Southwest Asia, sometimes on the East Coast of the US and sometimes in Hawaii. It is kinda fun to keep 'em guessing though :)

I'll never forget telling my brother that I had taken the ASVAB in preparation for joining the Coast Guard nearly twelve years ago. He was into his second decade in the Air Force, and I think I didn't talk to him for a year or two when I was a young, thoughtless pissant in high school because I was upset about his participation in the military industrial complex that was such a major stumbling block to the peaceful, sensible, rightful way that the world *should* work. So, needless to say, he was a little bit surprised to hear that I was pursuing a military career ten years later. I think it took him about 30 seconds to pick his lower jaw up off the floor from where it had dropped when he heard I was enlisting. And then he proceeded to give me very useful advice...stay operational. Well, Jay, I did (finally) take some of your advice, and you were SO right! We've had some great conversations since then about the military, leadership, current world news and life in general. Thanks, bro, for sticking it out with me while I pulled my head out of lalaland.

And my brother has a wonderful family who I had the chance to see for a couple of hours Thanksgiving weekend. His wife, Susan, is a great mother to their three kids, homeschooling them and teaching them to be thoughtful people. In Africa. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...Jay is a bush pilot in Africa for a missionary group, doing lots of medevacs and transporting medicine, people, supplies and probably a chicken or two in his planes all throughout eastern Africa, Kenya, Uganda, Sudan...dangerous places where the runways sometimes have doglegs in the middle of them, guards with AKs and never mind the cows and giraffes blocking the way. So, Susan doesn't necessarily have all the conveniences of a regular suburban housewife. But she does an amazing job, keeping a bountiful garden and making beautiful quilts. Their kids are really sweet, but growing up so very, very fast. Alex is now taller than I am, and is starting to give his dad a run for his money in wrestling matches. Beth is beautiful, and will likely be completely stunning in a few years, never mind smart and talented. She crocheted me the coolest beanie for Christmas...awesome colors and it fits perfectly. And Sam is such a pixie, so impish and curious. I miss seeing them on a regular basis, but know they are growing up in an amazing place that will make them really cool people to get to know when (if) we ever live in close(r) proximity.

My dad and his wife visited on their way through Maryland enroute North Carolina to see my brother and his family the week before Thanksgiving. They were so patient with the kitchen under construction and other idiosyncrasies of my old house. I usually get to see Dad and Sandee on the Coast Guard's dime about every year or two. They live a couple hours from New London, CT, so I get to visit them whenever I go to a C school at the Academy. But I hadn't seen them since I got back from Bahrain, so it was really great to be able to host them for the night. They ran into some traffic and bad advice from their GPS that shortened the visit a little bit, but we got to chat over dinner, and they got to see where I live, for the first time since I left the east coast ten years ago.

Uncle Steve, Aunt Jan, Ally, Amy's mom Susan, and Amy

Thanksgiving itself was a wonderful day...exactly what the day is supposed to be. Tons of good food, a warm, crowded kitchen, great people and a fun time. I road-tripped down to my friend Amy's house in North Carolina to hang with her and her 9-year-old daughter, Ally. Her mom came over, and my Uncle Steve and his partner, Aunt Jan came in from Rockingham County for dinner.

Acrobat Ally and Jan, waiting her turn on the trampoline

Amy and I have been friends for nearly 20 years. I haven't kept in continuous touch with anybody else that I've known for that long, except for other family members, so I feel like I have every right to call her and Ally family. She has been there for me through all my stupid human tricks, ready to laugh at me, with me, for me and around me. We met in a political science class my first year at Berea College. In retrospect, I'm really surprised we never got kicked out of class. We laughed the entire semester...poor professor (he kinda looked like Ichabod Crane, which didn't help at all). And I don't know that the college farm was ever the same after we worked there for a summer. Work briefings took at least ten minutes longer but were so much more enjoyable for everybody because we joked around so much. Best line *EVER*: what happens if you don't wash sheep in cold water with Woolite? Do they look like this? (put palms on either side of your face by your ears and pull backwards so your face stretches tight). We tried to ask our boss that with straight faces, but could only get it about halfway out before we couldn't say any more words through the hilarity. She didn't think it was so funny. And meringue...that stuff kinda hurts coming out the nose. Just saying.

I don't know why Ally puts up with me...I'm kinda mean, pouring cold water over her in the shower after she threw some 'tude at me, and tickling her relentlessly. But she's known me as Crazy Aunt Charley for her whole life, and I hope to be there for her like her mom has been there for me. One of my favorite things about being back on the east coast is being closer to some of the people I love that I haven't seen enough of recently.

Mom always told us that family does anything they can for family. I took it for granted for a long time, but Uncle Steve has done so very, very much for me over the years that it's hard not to be thankful for my family. He put me, my dog and three cats up in his spare room while I looked for a place to live before my first stint in grad school...for two months. He pretty much single-handedly renovated the kitchen in my new house. And he's just a cool guy. We're both the youngest in our generations, and along with my cousin Cameron (also the youngest), we keep the rest of the family on their toes. We're our own flock of black sheep :) Just make sure to wash us in Woolite.

I'm staying with my Mom over Christmas and into the New Year. We've had our difficulties over the years. We're both really stubborn, alike in some ways, and different in ones that make it tough for us to get along sometimes. Well, difficult for me to get along with her sometimes...I admit, I'm not the easiest person to get along with. Too many years in charge I think: I don't like it when things don't go my way. But she's always been proud of me (embarrassingly so sometimes...you know moms). One of Mom and my sister's favorite stories about me is the time we were in the grocery store in Ellicott City, MD, getting some last minute supplies for dinner. Vicki and I were both home from college. The store was crowded, and we were walking in a little bit of a gaggle, politely making way for people and generally being conscious of the fact that we were not the only people in the store trying to finish errands. But there was this snooty woman with her grocery cart that pretty much plowed through us like we were invisible peasants in her own personal kingdom. Well, I don't mind being ignored...but for god's sake, don't disrespect me. I pushed my nose up in the air with my finger (not my middle one...my mom was there for heaven's sake) and snorted like a pig...loudly. The woman looked around, slightly mortified.

I'm glad that Mom's enjoying her retirement. And even though I'm still a punk sometimes, I love her a lot.

I've got a bunch more family members to be thankful for...Aunt Linda and Uncle Adam, cousins Karen, Jennie and Roy and family, Cameron, Nancy and Jim, Robin and Blaine and family, and Jane and Eddie. I don't talk to many of them often, and see them even less. But I know they care about me and support me.

I haven't mentioned my sister yet, though. She's joined conversations on the blog before, usually with insightful words of advice or thoughtful comments from a completely different perspective. The funny thing is that we used to *hate* each other. And that really is not too strong a word. When we were in grade school, and on into high school, I couldn't stand being around her. She was always such a damn goodie-two-shoes. She tattled on me for trying to learn how to spit when I was ten. She was way smarter than me (still is), and just complicated things unbearably. She kept her room neat, made her bed, had better handwriting (still does), didn't throw a fit about going to church, dated nice boys, and didn't wear holey jeans.

Aunt Linda told us both sometime, maybe about 20 years ago, that we'd end up really good friends once we got older. We both thought she was delusional. I was a snotty little punk, out to piss off the world, and Vicki made it clear she was so very, very far superior to me. In every way.

It's amazing the clarity gained from those 20 years. And thank goodness for it. Vicki was the first person I called during that kerfuffle over the Endangered Species Act last fall. And the first person I called when my boyfriend broke up with me. And the first person I called when I found out I was going to take command of a ship...in Bahrain. She edited my college application essay for me. She is always, always willing to listen and offer encouragement. I love the fact that she knew me as a punk kid, and saw me grow out most, but not all, of it. And I am so truly happy that she is happy.

So I am so very, very thankful for my family. All of them.